new perspective

There are some things in life that I guess I will never have, and usually, I'm okay with that. But, these days I find it hard to remain positive and upbeat, and I don't like it. 

I'm slowly becoming apathetic, losing my once effervescent, energetic self to whatever I am now. 

I find myself floating amongst my friends. I don't feel grounded, and I have become less attached. 

There are days I leave my cell on vibrate, and at times, find myself choosing who to respond to when I receive a text. And most calls go straight to voicemail. 

I find myself revisiting moments that have occurred, and reminiscing memories... but just this once, I'd like to have what I want. Is that too much to ask? 

I have this need to cry and I'm afraid I'm actually going to, and my once stoic, aloof me ... well, she hasn't been around for quite some time. I'm emotional. I can't help it, but think. And thinking just gets me sad. 

Realizations aren't hard to come by for me any more. I get them more and more every day, but it makes me sad. I don't like being sad. 

And tears? I cry more inside than I let show. There's more to me than what the eye can see.  

if i die young - the band perry

on the floor

... lately, I feel very disconnected. To everyone. Not just my family, but also my friends. At first, I thought it was because I was gone for a couple of weeks. But, I think it's more than that.. and I really don't know.

I'm trying to feel as if everything is okay. I dislike how I'm putting up a front that I am okay. But, I guess to me it makes sense... I don't want to cause any worries.


/shrugs

I don't really have someone I can talk to, I mean I do but I don't. Everyone has their own thing going on. And I want to be there for them.

I just can't help but think, that someday -sooner than later, which is out of my control- that I won't be. But, I made a promise to myself: to not think about that. To just live. Each, single day. I don't want to be depressed. A smile will be on this face. No point in getting sad.

Just gotta keep chugging.