it's been one, hot summer

Of all the years I can remember being in Indiana, this year has to be the HOTTEST year ever.

But, it's been a jam-packed summer! I went to the Indianapolis 500 for the first time, and that was a lot of beer imbibed. Vacationed in Virginia for a bit. Went to Evansville for 4th of July weekend and met a couple of his fraternity brothers. Went to my boyfriend's family reunion the weekend after 4th of July, and well, met his entire family :) Went to my first country concert -- Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, and the Band Perry. Won tickets to a free Live Nation concert [Mayhem festival], which I cannot go because I'm headed out of town for a wedding the same weekend.

And this upcoming weekend, I'm going to my third wedding this year. Here's hoping I don't catch the bouquet in this one, too. At my friend's wedding in June, I had actually caught the bouquet, but I let it go and my friend's cousin got it. I've caught it once already this year (the wedding I went to in April, caught it there), and I really don't need to catch it any more - though, after this wedding, there's three more to go. My boyfriend's frat brothers are getting married left and right... all of them in October.

Job-hunting ... well, it goes.

My headaches have been less frequent (thank God), but yea... realizations come and go, but mine stay. They always stay. But you know what? Live, laugh, and love.

I'm feeling more like myself these days, but I'm not the same.

new perspective

There are some things in life that I guess I will never have, and usually, I'm okay with that. But, these days I find it hard to remain positive and upbeat, and I don't like it. 

I'm slowly becoming apathetic, losing my once effervescent, energetic self to whatever I am now. 

I find myself floating amongst my friends. I don't feel grounded, and I have become less attached. 

There are days I leave my cell on vibrate, and at times, find myself choosing who to respond to when I receive a text. And most calls go straight to voicemail. 

I find myself revisiting moments that have occurred, and reminiscing memories... but just this once, I'd like to have what I want. Is that too much to ask? 

I have this need to cry and I'm afraid I'm actually going to, and my once stoic, aloof me ... well, she hasn't been around for quite some time. I'm emotional. I can't help it, but think. And thinking just gets me sad. 

Realizations aren't hard to come by for me any more. I get them more and more every day, but it makes me sad. I don't like being sad. 

And tears? I cry more inside than I let show. There's more to me than what the eye can see.  

if i die young - the band perry