where do you see yourself in five years?

In all of my interviews, I have been asked that question. And my answer? Well, it has always been the same; however, I'm finding that perhaps that's not the right path for me at all.

Look at me: I have a degree that I have yet to use, and in a job where I enjoy my co-workers company, and don't mind the work, but I don't love it. I don't love my job. I like it... but it feels like a "for now" type scenario, and not a career.

And that's what I eventually want, right? Actually, I don't know. For me, after being out in the workforce for a few years now, I don't know exactly what I want to be. I find myself toying with several different ideas, and all the different ideas lead to me my wanting to help people... but I don't know how to do without losing myself in the routine-ness of the job.

Does that even make sense? I used to dream of being a writer, a best-selling novelist, and lately, my dreams have been as confusing as my life. Nothing makes sense.

My skills set is pretty diverse. I don't really have a strong point in any of them... I just don't know. And the reason why I'm writing this entry right now is because I had recently gotten off the phone with a potential employer, and that job is nowhere near my skills set right now. If I get hired, it would be a new skills set that I'll be learning... something new to add to my already quite diverse resume.

I had a direction at one point in my life... I don't know why I'm still stuck. Guess I'm a perpetual learner of new things.

But my answer before to that question was hopefully out of law school, possibly engaged to be married, and perhaps a lot closer to finding an editor and publisher for my written work. Though, to be quite honest, I don't know if I even have that spark any more.

I miss being on stage, in theatre and learning lines and songs if it's a musical. I miss knowing or at least I thought I knew what I wanted to be ... I miss the self-confidence. The "I can do anything" attitude.

Right now? I'm not quite content, but I'm not unhappy, either.

It just feels as if I'm stuck... and I don't like that feeling.

I just want to keep going, but I don't even know if I'm heading in the right direction. I feel lost, and the last time I was lost... well, I made it out of that somewhat intact.

Who knows where I'll be in five years. Who knows where the world will be then... who knows indeed.

oh look at that:

It's September... how time flies!

a little bit introspective - a reflection

Piano Duel [from Jay Chou's The Secret, part 2 of 11)

Ever since I can remember, I've had this fascination with music... always singing, and at times, off-key, and always dancing without even realizing it. I got better, though, in curbing my fascination with music, and now, I have a constant playlist playing in my head. But, sometimes, it slips out... whistling under my breath one moment, and the next, humming, which, in turn, becomes a song blossoming in my heart -- and sometimes, it escapes my mouth. Kinda embarrassing when it happens, though, especially at a crowded airport [I've done this twice now. Thankfully, I sang on-key and received applause :)].

Anyways... I've always had a fascination with music. I guess you could say that I've had the same fascination with the written word, which is why I majored in English Creative-Writing in college. I love reading and writing. I don't really like writing papers or doing research, but I'll do it. I much prefer writing poetry, short stories... I loved to write. And nowadays, I barely write :( I just haven't found the inspiration to write any more. I've even lost the motivation to be keep working on my written stuff, too. /shrugs

It seems to me that back then, when I was down/depressed/just didn't have good luck, I wrote better. You could say that my writings are somewhat tied to my emotions, and these days, I keep a tight hold on mine. I wrote to release all of that, and now, I don't even let myself... I used to write frequently in my Xanga blog, but again, just don't have the inspiration to do so of late.

With all of that said, I have reread some of my stories and journal entries, and I've realized that I've changed, possibly grown, but I still retain that reckless me, and I've hurt some people in my life unintentionally. I've let down some people, too. And I've met some new people who brings a little more sunshine to my life, and I'm very grateful for that.

Even though I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now, I know that I have people in my life that I can count on to help me keep going ...