...

"We are not the same person this year as last;
nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing,
continue to love a changed person."

/just saying

The phrase "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind, but really, it can be bliss. However, not all the time.

I find myself thinking too much; though, that's always something I do. I feel too much, too. I would love to turn off my emotions and just have a very boring day.

I don't like being busy, but at the same time, it's a great distraction.

/sighs

If love is a game that two can play, why is there a losing side?

just a friendly reminder ...

TO PLEASE A WOMAN, YOU NEED TO REMEMBER ...

1. Honesty is the best policy. (It really is. So, if you're asked a question, like "does this make me look fat," say so. True it may hurt, but hey, at least we know you're telling the truth. Don't sugarcoat anything. An honest man is better than a lying one.)
2. Learn to listen. (Don't pretend you're listening. REALLY listen. You learn more about the opposite gender if you actually pay attention and not be distracted. Ignorance is NOT bliss.)
3. Construct your sentences correctly. (Abbreviations are nice and all, but it removes meaning when phrases like "I love you" becomes "ily" ...just saying. Also, double negatives are bad, and ending sentences in a preposition is wrong, but no one really cares these days.)
4. Never underestimate a woman. (Women underestimate themselves on a daily basis. I underestimate myself all the time, but that's me. Just remember that we already do it to ourselves, so we don't need you to do the same.
5. Never disrespect a woman's intelligence. (With number 4 paving the way, number 5 is redundant, but seriously, don't disrespect. True, we may have our dumb moments, but that doesn't mean we're stupid. We know we're smart; we tend to downplay our own intelligence because some men are intimidated by it.)
6. Give us compliments, but don't blow smoke. (When you compliment, mean it. Say what you mean, not what you think we want to hear. Be upfront, direct. HONEST.)
7. Always give your 110% at EVERYTHING! (This may be a tall order, but do your best in everything you possibly can. Ambition and self-confidence are turn-ons; just don't be arrogant about it.)
8. Be understanding. (Be the one person we can count on for anything [just don't take murder assignments ;)], be the one person we can go to when we just need someone to hold us because it's been a shitty day... just be you, and no one else.)
9. Do not try so hard ... it will come.

FINALLY,
10. Be yourself!

(and if you take meds,... TAKE THEM ON TIME!) ;)

o so fragile ...

"Your eyes show the strength of your soul."
—Paulo Coehlo

There's a part of me that feels as if every day is a test to what I can take. And some days, I feel as if I should throw in the towel, but somehow, I find a way to keep on going. It baffles me that I can still feel this much, and I can act as if things are okay, when I feel that they aren't, but they do feel okay so I'm left in this confused state of limbo. Taking a leap of faith requires courage. 

I find that to be quite hard. It's amazing how much I can still hold onto .... to the things I used to believe were to be gone, but here I am, at another crossroads in my life. I have so much to say, but for now, the best course of action is to say nothing at all. But you know what? My eyes can do all the talking for me. I don't need to say much because I show it anyways. Wearing my heart on my sleeve where everyone can see it isn't as obvious any more... so my eyes will do the talking. 

Everything I want to say is reflected in my eyes. Even the unshed tears brim. You can imagine all the unspoken words just waiting ... I have to keep reminding myself that it's all worth it in the end, but I find myself questioning. If actions speak louder than words, my actions have spoken volumes. I guess sometimes the ears just don't know when to tune in... and my eyes are my best asset. Or so I've heard [I like to think it's me -my entire being, but what do I know]. 

Where words can lie, my eyes can never. The light that shines from them is because of you.

addicted...

"It's risky, falling in love."

"I know that," I answered. "I've been in love before. 

It's like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. 

The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, 

and you think you can still control things. 

You think about the person you love for two minutes, 

and forget them for three hours.

"But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. 

Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. 

If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. 

And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, 

you're willing to do anything for love."

"What a horrible way to put it," he said." 

— Paulo Coelho (By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept)

information overload

"Some souls are like sponges.

You cannot squeeze anything out of them 
except what they have sucked from you."
~Kahlil Gibran

what path are you on?

“We can never judge the lives of others, 

because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. 

It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, 

but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”
~Paulo Coelho

Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of being on stage. As much as I don't like being the center of attention, I don't mind it as much when I'm playing a character... I like performing. I enjoyed being in front of an audience. Yes, I did get stage fright, but first night jitters always happens to me, and after that first night, the following consecutive nights are just amazing. Simply fantastic. 

But, it wasn't meant to be. Singing -performing, in general- is a hobby for me. And I'm okay with that because as a little girl, I also dreamed of becoming an astronaut because I wanted to dance among the stars, and that, too, didn't happen because I found something more me: writing.

As much as I love music and singing, writing is my weapon of choice. I just love how versatile it is: you can set it to music, construct sentences that become paragraphs, that may -in turn- become novels, and novels can become scripts and it can be watched and enjoyed/hated on the big screens. Words are quite simply put -to me- my friends. It may hurt now and again, but I have had this affair with words ever since I learned how to read. 

And with words came my love for argument. I'm not saying that I love to argue because I don't. I'm very much a pacifist, but if you tell me I'm wrong, and I know I'm right, well.. let's just not go there. I will, however, listen to your opinion and respect it, but at the same time, I will also tell you what mine is. Most of the time, I just shrug and go with it.

Anyways.... I would really like to pursue a career in law some day. Right now, I'm a paralegal, and I'm good at what I do. But, to be in a courtroom, fighting for justice... a jury of contemporaries/peers/whatever you want to call them, and being the one person who can prove to everyone that your client is the innocent one... honestly, I don't like to talk, but if I have all sides of a story, and based on those facts, I know that my client is innocent, you bet that I will try my hardest to win it for my client, to prove to everyone of his/her innocence. 

Ultimate goal: Chief Justice... yes, I know. I have rather lofty goals, but hey, at least you know I aim high :winks: 

... when I stumbled upon that quote by Mr. Coehlo, it just made me think, and I'm still thinking. I don't know if I'm on the right path. I don't know if I'll even stay on this path because I've strayed from it far too long. I worked in the IT field for several years [started out in a computer lab while in college 2004, and I did work in IT since until recently so...] 

I have skills. I have ambition. Drive. Passion. MOTIVATION. What I don't have is direction. And I'm still struggling with this even now. 

In high school, we were all required to take a career test... and you know what I got? I got the big circle in the middle, which didn't provide me direction, and my guidance counselor told me that I can basically do whatever I want, and well, that didn't really help me... so I guess for now I'll continue to walk on this path, this one that leads to law, and perhaps I will reach that ultimate goal. I do have other goals in mind, but that's an entire different post waiting to be written.

hmmm

Coffee is soooo good that really, what else could you drink?
Water? Soda? All lame compared to this dark delicious delight.

"Be undeniably good. When people ask me how do you make it in show business or whatever, what I always tell them and nobody ever takes note of it ‘cause it’s not the answer they wanted to hear — what they want to hear is here’s how you get an agent, here’s how you write a script, here’s how you do this — but I always say, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’ If somebody’s thinking, ‘How can I be really good?’, people are going to come to you. It’s much easier doing it that way than going to cocktail parties."— Steve Martin

You know, Mr. Martin, you are quite correct. If you're so good at your chosen profession, how the hell could you be ignored? 

With that said... I know some people who are so amazingly great at their jobs that I often wonder if they will ever decide to branch out of their comfort zone and try something different, something that may or may not increase their apparent amazing capabilities... I mean, it's not bad that you're so great at one thing, but what if that one thing you're so good at, someone else comes along and this individual is more amazing than you are? What happens then? Do you step up your game, or just keep doing the same thing you've been doing after several years? Wouldn't you be worried about perhaps losing your job? Or being downgraded to a different department?

I think these days you have to be willing to be so versatile and have many [acquired] skills. You have to bring your A game every day, and not slack off [though, if you're feeling ill, can't really fault you there]. You have to be at your best at every second of every minute in every hour daily. 24/7 giving it your 110% (or more if you're an real over-achiever). 

/shrugs ... with me, I try to do my best, but I know for a fact that I don't always give each task that I do my "all" ... I like to choose my battles and go accordingly. There's a war that I'm involved in, and I can't always exhaust myself in every little thing that I do. (I'd be too tired to do anything else, and frankly, most of the time, I'm running on fumes).

However, I want to be so good at one thing, and I feel as if I haven't quite achieved that. I have many skills, and every day, I'm learning something new, which is nice because I don't feel bored -though, I do still feel bored at times, because things are redundant and I don't like that- and I'm almost always doing something. 

I need to take a break, though. I really do, but whenever I get free time... oh wait, I don't know what this free time concept is any more. Since starting this new job, I'm growing in leaps and bounds. Learning so much. It's insane. And the other job that I have, there's constant training... brain overload. I need a hobby or two to keep myself grounded. I need time to see and hang out with friends. I need time [and he needs time, too] to just chill and be with Dr.Fast&Furious... ((side note: "frustrating" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel... "missing" is more apt to be quite honest. "missing quality time spent" would be the phrase.))

I have come to realize that the word "busy" sucks majorly. Other words that also share in "major suckyness" are the following: workaholic, overtime, ..... and other words that I can't think of at the moment. 

I strive to maintain a balance between work and fun, and most times, I do prevail, but it's so hard. Shouldn't come as a surprise to me because nothing has ever come easy to me. Oh, god forbid, if my life ever becomes predictable at all because right now, there are too still too many unknowns, and stability is something I'll never have. I'm always going to have a roller-coaster kind of life with long windy ups-and-downs and don't forget the sharp turns. 

I'm not a big fan of roller-coasters; I hate the waiting in line for a ride that doesn't even last a minute. But, the adrenaline rush? I do like that. It's just that lately, as I have said already, I've been running on fumes. I would love to have a free weekend... just doing absolutely nothing.

To do nothing... man, I'd feel lazy. End up doing something like rearrange my room or my closet [as I've been known to do on occasion :winks:]

I heard a quote today...

It was,     You can judge a person by the enemies s/he makes.

"Et tu, Brute?"

... and it's making me think. I wonder what my enemies would say about me because everyone has enemies. There's no way that someone can be so loved that they don't have any enemies. And I know who some of my enemies are; some of them are people I've known my entire life. That old adage, "keep your friends close & your enemies closer" rings quite true for me. 

I think enemies help shape who we are as individuals. There's no way that every one is well-liked, and it is so much in our nature to hunger to be accepted. I think we conform too much to please every one else, and not enough rebelling is being done. I know that I went through a rebellious phase, and sometimes, I'm still fighting for who I want to be without losing ground in who I have already become.

You can easily judge someone, too, by the friends s/he have. Though, in that instance, anyone can really be called a friend. These days, I know the difference between an acquaintance and friend; it's almost as easily distinguishable in deciding who is a foe or ally. (Almost because enemies, like friends, can come in many different forms).

An acquaintance to me could be someone I've just met like striking up a conversation at the same coffee place that I frequent to during the week (for instance, my barista at Starbucks on Stop 11; he would be an acquaintance to me, not quite friend), or a coworker at a new job. Not quite friends, and certainly not enemies. You're still at the playground, where kindergartners -those messy, pick your noses 4 or 5 year olds- learn how to share, and well, become best friends just because you have the same color bow in your hair [true story: though, she's married now and lives happily down under with her husband; one of these days, I'll make my way to the Outback so she can teach me some Aussie slang :winks:] ... where was I? I digressed there. Oops.

But, I think you get the point that I'm trying [ha, not even attempting now] to make.

Everyone we meet in our daily activities has the potential to be a catalyst in our lives. Whether it's friend or foe, someone's way of thinking may rub you the wrong one. Or perhaps, incite an answering passion in you and you wonder where the hell have they've been your entire life. (I've often wondered about this in my life, referring to some people I've come across lately. Still haven't quite figured that out, and a part of me is fine with not knowing, but the other not-so quiet part is eagerly awaiting answers, answers that may never come into fruition.)

I often wonder how many people have met their opposites [or if you want to be romantic about it, soul-mate] and thought to themselves, "Is this person standing across from me a potential confidante or are they going to stab me in the back some day?"

something to put a smile on your face

"I'd rather be natural than plausible. 

For it's in my nature to accomplish the impossible."

the future can be yours

Imagine for a moment your own version of a perfect future.
See yourself in that future with everything you could wish for
at this very moment fulfilled.
Now take the memory of that future
and bring it here into the present.
Let it influence how you will behave from this moment on.

 

just be

The simple things are 

also the most extraordinary, 

but only the wise can see them.

just keep going

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  

What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice?
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.

“EVEN IF you never see the person again, a significant former love remains with you. That woman or man is woven into the tapestry of your life – maybe as a subtle shading here and there, maybe as a vibrant pattern smack in the middle. Without those threads, the weaving would be something else. You would be someone else.” -from the book, If Only I Could Tell You

A scene from the movie, Serendipity.
[These characters definitely wove their threads into each other's lives via a pair of gloves.]