Thursday, March 17, 2011

we're all dying the minute we come out of that womb

It's true.

Depressing, right? Wrong. It's reality. Whether people die because of natural disasters happening, or of natural causes like just being old, or because of selfish reasons like suicide, people DIE all the time.

I'm coming off as a heartless bitch, aren't I? Ha. I wish I could be a heartless bitch, but damn me and my emotions. Ever since the tsunami hit Japan...

eventually, I will cry and let it out. I always end up crying and letting it out. But right now, I'm numb, and a damn good actress. With the exception of a few people, no one knows how close I am to losing my composure. I hear some of his favorite songs, and not even a tear can squeeze through my almond-shaped eyes.

I don't know why, but this is hard. Today hurt. I've lost too many good friends in the span of a few months, not even a few months. Two for selfish suicidal reasons, and this most recent loss happened because of an earthquake-inspired tsunami.

Half of me wonders if it would have been better had I thought he was still one of the missing... he was a strong swimmer. And the other half is glad to know that he is no longer missing, but no longer of this plane of existence. He's gone. My friend Will is gone.

I get too close to many people, and really, I don't know if I could this any more. I care way more than I should, but my friends are a part of my life. And sometimes, they are my family. And this, losing Will... it felt like I lost a part of me.

A huge part of me because he was always there [when there's a Will, you'll always have me is what he always said... guess no one should use the word "always" either] .... and now he's gone.

Just gone.

Happy birthday, Will. I miss you.

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