Sunday, January 30, 2011

thinking out loud ...

Dear Dr.FastandFurious*,

I find myself thinking about you* a lot, and this has been happening for awhile. Well, maybe since we met, and that wasn't too long ago, either! It's as if you've insinuated yourself in my brain, and there's no easy way to get you out... I often wonder if you think of me in the same intensity that I do of you. Probably not, because no one can multi-task like I can :winks: I have several things going on and I can keep track of them all. But when you enter the stream, it's like everything else doesn't matter, and that is what scares me. 

...I know how I feel about you; it's obvious to everyone. It wasn't as obvious to me in the beginning, but I'm learning to accept it. One of these days I might just tell you, and not have you just "infer" ... when I said that I wished I had met you sooner, I meant it.
I'm so into you that I fear that I might smother you so I have began to distance myself. 

Walking away when really I should stay, right? :shrugs: I think I said that I was getting used to not seeing you (you said that's not good [we've had this same conversation twice now, and you said the same thing both times], and I'd really like to see you more. To get to know you more. To just be with you. And even as I type that, I'm perfectly fine with not seeing you all the time [because you're always on my mind]. I crave the physical closeness, but what makes me come back to you is the size of your intellect. Your conversation. Hearing your voice. Being in close proximity. And I have never let anyone close to me as fast as I did with you. 

You see, I have a problem with trusting people. I'm used to getting disappointed, and just being runner-up. Never really wanted first place, but I have this innate ability to being the center of attention. And I have never wanted to be someone's entire world because I've been there before, and that is an experience I'd rather not go through again. 

But with you... it's different. There's something I haven't discovered, and :shrugs: I don't know. What can I say? I do like puzzles, and you keep surprising me. You keep me on my toes, and I like that. You're definitely someone that I did not expect to cross paths with, and I wish I met you sooner. I really, really do. I really do like you. I like you a lot. And, I never - I never wanna hurt you. I think I love you.  

Whatever happens between now and the future, I'm glad we met. And even if you end up not catching me when I fall, because I am falling for you so fast and hard, I'll be okay. I will be fine. Because you have taught me something :smiles: 

Taking a leap of faith requires courage, and that's exactly what I'm doing. 

Mai Toast 
*He will be mentioned frequently as either Dr.FastandFurious, drfast&furious, or docfnf or something along those lines, but just let me point out: this person is awesome. Such an impressive individual, and I'm very lucky to have him in my life.

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